yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize