He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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