I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
