i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
