oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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