i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
