I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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