I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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