so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
