Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
