Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
