if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
