I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
