I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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