Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
