Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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