I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
