so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
