Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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