Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
