I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
