Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
