I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
