I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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