Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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