the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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