Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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