We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
