You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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