Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
