just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
