I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
