Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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