I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
