Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
