If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
