when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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