We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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