Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize