im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
