i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
