Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
