I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
