I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
