im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
