You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
