butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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