As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
