Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
