I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
