just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My vagina is officially offended.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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