It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Congratulations! We have a period
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
