i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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