You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
