i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
