she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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