Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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