fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
