im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
