HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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