Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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