My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
