I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
