Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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