i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
