I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
