Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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