literally had 100 drinks last night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
