You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
