she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
