Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
