just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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