i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
