Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
