eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
