Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
