No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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