So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
