I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
