I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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