yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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