I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just pee around me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
