shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
