I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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