We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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