I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
